10 General Tips

1. Expectations

My #1 piece of advice: no expectations but educate on the possibilities. Do not go into birth expecting it to go a certain way. Do not go into motherhood expecting certain things of yourself. Do not make a baby expecting them to look/act a certain way. But it's also important to learn as much as you possibly can. That has helped me SO much to feel "in control" in these situations where I ultimately have very little control. At least I know what's going on and what it means. If you don't have any expectations, you aren't as much let down and may actually be pleasantly surprised. Goals and expectations are separate things and not at all synonymous. If you want a vaginal unmedicated birth, excellent goal! Don't expect it's guaranteed to happen. Want to exclusively breastfeed? Excellent goal, but a lot to put on yourself and your mental and physical health are far more important. Go after that goal but give yourself some grace too.

2. Take the Damned Nap

Do not think of sleep as something you’ll do when you get tired enough. Think of it as setting yourself up for success later. Take the damned nap when given the opportunity. I need/needed to listen to my own advice on this and do all those things later. You gotta take care of yourself and sleep is at the top of the self-care list. They say sleep when the baby sleeps and everyone scoffs. But it's the dang truth. You'll be faced with a decision: baby is asleep... do I lay down with him/her and nap too or do I use this opportunity to get things done? (Again, I need to listen to my own advice here) but take the damned nap! You will be a far better mother and partner when you're rested than if you kept up on all the housework but were crabby, cranky and hanging on by a thread.

3. Shower

Try to take a shower every day. Hand that sleeping babe to dad for 15 minutes to get yourself clean and decompress. It’s really been a huge help to me. Even if baby isn't sleeping, they can cry for a little bit. That's what babies do, crying is normal. (Repeat that over and over too, crying is normal. You're still a good mom even if your baby cries) A crying baby is a breathing baby.

4. Communicate

Be clear with your partner on what you need. I have a sticky note on the bathroom door that says: -refill Jay’s water, -take out the doody bin, -take bottles to the sink, -feed and let out Zep (our dog). Four simple things I need him to do on his way out in the mornings that help my day run much smoother.

5. Accept Help

There are no trophies, accept the help. People wouldn’t offer if they didn’t mean it! It also makes people feel involved and useful.

6. Doggies

If you have dogs, make sure you talk to them a lot and involve them! Keep your boundaries clear and don’t be afraid to use your alpha mom voice to establish them. But even though you may not be able to play with them as much, acknowledging them and including them goes a long way I think. I let her sit next to me while I change or feed him and talk to her about what I’m doing. I let her sniff him and sometimes give him a kiss on the thigh or feet. No hands or face.

7. Nursing Tops

Get nursing tops that are not a solid color. Patterns hide the milk spillage. And there will be milk spillage! And if you need to go somewhere, change into your going out clothes right before leaving to minimize risk of ruined clothes. You don't truly need to spend a bunch of money on expensive nursing tops. I've found many of them pull to the side just fine. You can also layer with a tank top under your shirt if you like to pull up rather than down. Just depends on your comfort level with having your chest out!

8. Car Seat Safety

Remember, covering the car seat with a blanket makes it far more hot in there because there is no air flow. It’s probably fine inside an air conditioned place but be mindful of that outdoors. The chest clip goes AT NIPPLE/ARMPIT LEVEL otherwise it could hurt baby or baby could slip out in a crash.

9. Saline Drops

A little bit of night time congestion is normal. Use the saline drops to help! Lots of congestion can lead to more spit up. Spit up can cause congestion because it irritates that passageway. With baby’s first cold, he was spitting up dang near the whole feed. I called my sister in law and she confirmed that it was normal! Just try to nurse more upright and be vigilant about gentle burping. I have learned that as far as suction goes, you should not suction unless you SEE snot coming out, otherwise you can irritate those little passages even more.

10. Active Sleep

If baby is sleeping and you hear them rustling around, give them some time. Active sleep is a thing and sometimes my boy even cries in his sleep. I give it 5-10 seconds and if he stops crying (or it has the specific sound to it, you’ll learn your baby’s sounds) then it was just a dream. Active sleep looks like a lot of movement. So often times unless they’re crying, you’d be waking them up unnecessarily if you try to feed or change.